What We Are Built To Do (Part 2)

I have been reflecting a lot about being here in Lansing, and transitioning to my second year as a PhD student. It has been over a year now that we've been here, and one of the thoughts I've had the most is that if this were a job I took, I'd be starting to look for another one. I used to joke about my 14-18 month itch, that after a time at any job, I'd start to get antsy and start cruising the job postings. Or I'd daydream more and more about finding a nice quiet job in the country. Then eventually, I wouldn't be able to take it anymore and I'd actually find another job. Between 2009 and 2014 I worked at four different nonprofit organizations. I was the poster-girl for nonprofit churn.

Where I build things

Even before I became the poster girl for churn I already was starting this habit. I think it's normal for most people in their 20s to have several different jobs. But I remember many of my peers started to settle in as we closed in on our 30s and then by our early 30s they seemed to have landed on something. I thought I did, until I realized that I was extremely unhappy. I try not to regret the job jumping and hunting I did for so long, and try to remember that all of that professional experience really did help me to get here. I admit that I do wish sometimes I had gotten to this point sooner, but then I think that there would be a possibility that I would have treated this like just another jobby-job and would have jumped. Maybe now that I'm closing in on my 40s is the only time I could have finally stayed put in something.  So I try to make myself feel better by reminding myself that some of the potential future faculty positions I will be looking for once I finish will insist on me having certain experience in the field. I can happily say I have lots of that.

So here I've been for 14 months, right about the time that I should be getting antsy and start looking for job postings. Right when I would start daydreaming about finding a nice little job in the country. Right about the time when I would start to get so anxious about what I was doing with my life that the only remedy was to find another job to give me stimulation and distraction from those anxious feelings. Yet, I don't have any desire to leave. I don't really have to go looking for stimulation because I am constantly being challenged, I'm learning, and I'm getting to explore so many new ideas and let them play out through my writing. Right now, this is what I am built to do.

Here is my post about what we are built to do from back in January.