I Miss You

During class Tuesday we had a "substitute" teacher. Our professor was away at a conference, so another Higher Ed student came in to help facilitate. She asked if we could go around the room and introduce ourselves (ahem, "research agenda") and also what we were doing before we started the program at Michigan State. It came to my turn, and I did my usual little song, and then began "Before I moved to...uh...LANSING..." You see, I had accidentally let out to my cohort in this moment, that I didn't like it here. It's been a rough few weeks. Some days I walk outside and I think to myself, "What the hell am I doing here?" It's the combination of the weather, with a new semester, with the fact that it has taken me this long to realize what I am doing. The shiny-part of the program has worn off. Not that there was ever a honeymoon phase, but I have lost some of my stamina. There are things I just have to DO. I just have to WRITE.  And READ.

Then I realize that it's cold outside. Really cold. It's always cold. And when I walk outside I'm always afraid that this might be the day I slip and fall and break my wrist while trying to protect my laptop in my backpack from cushioning the blow of the fall. I just want to be able to walk, without strategizing every step. These little negotiations are what make me miss home, even though I don't know where home is. I guess I just miss Seattle. Even though that city drives me crazy sometimes. [Insert link about over-priced real estate and the tunnel here. Oh, and another link about really bad mass transit.]

So I hum a little tune: I miss the water. I miss rainy days. I miss my friends. I miss feeding my crows on the balcony. I miss my nephew. I miss my community. I miss you. Yet I love the seasons here. I love the people here. I love the small town here. I love how flat the landscape is here. I love the Mitten State.

These are my Michigan Blues. And while there is novelty and loveliness about living in the Midwest, these last few weeks I've been homesick for my Pacific Northwest Love.