At Least I'm in Chicago

In spring 2013, I went to a very large conference in San Diego call the International Association of Fundraising Professionals Conference (AFP). I went because I was writing grants at the time, and so wrote a professional development grant for myself to go. I confess, part of why I went was because I wanted to go to San Diego. This was all before I started applying to go back to school, or even putting that thought into my mind. I remember the first morning I was in SD. I walked out of my luxury hotel on the waterfront, I took a stroll down the water and breathed in the air. It was of course, beautiful - it was some time in April I believe. Then I went into the enormous San Diego conference center and was swallowed up by 6,000 people. All fundraisers. All crazy. I went to the first session, and all I could think about was, "this is not for me." So then I went to a second session, and I thought, "why am I here?" and finally a third, and thought, "I must get out of here." So I went for another long walk down the waterfront, and thought about what I was doing. It was then I decided to use this time to take care of my own interests and face the fact that I was not a part of this community. People who attend fundraising conferences, for the most part, are not my people. I did attend most of the following days proceedings (because I was on a grant) but I did skip out on the afternoon of the last day and went to the zoo.

The view from the lake shore trail on my run this morning

Just this last Wednesday, I arrived in Chicago to attend another conference, ARNOVA, which is too long an acronym to describe so I'll just say it's for nonprofit academics and practitioners. And, well, after my first session, I thought, "I don't think this is for me" and I admit I was extremely board. Then I carried on and went to a second session, and thought "why am I here?" and I really tried to find a reason. Then I went to a third, and a fourth, and kept thinking, "I must get out of here." I had plans to meet with my advisor from my master's program, who has become a good friend now, and when she saw me as we met up for dinner she said, "Emiko why do you keep coming back?" and I just didn't have an answer for her. I have found it increasingly difficult to try to balance my two worlds of nonprofit stuff and my schooling in higher education. I have been attempting to create a link between the two, and I just don't think I should be doing that anymore. I have always felt like somewhat of an outsider when it comes to my perspective on the nonprofit sector. And for that reason, I don't fit well with many of the people at this conference - we have different priorities. And I've come to realize they're not my people. We're not interested in the same things. So, this morning instead of getting up and heading down town to attend the conference (and I'm sure attend one session after another where I question why I am here and even more so ask why they are not asking the same questions I am) I decided instead to go for a run. At least I'm in Chicago where I can enjoy myself in the Windy City, get some homework done, and maybe hit a museum before I head back home on Saturday.