I Am Spock

I love this photo

I was saddened to hear about the passing of Leonard Nimoy yesterday. Not only am I a proud Trekkie, (or Trekker, depending on your preference and opinion) but I was a big fan of Mr. Nimoy. And his death comes at a very poignant time for me, especially because of his most famous character, Spock. For the past few weeks, I have been intentionally examining my experience as a Hapa. For those of you who don't know, that would be Half, typically half-Asian. Obviously, I am half-Japanese. (Although I've been told it's confusing when I say half-Japanese because then people think that my mom is from Japan. I get confused by this because when people say they are half-Irish, I don't immediately assume one of their parent's is from Ireland, but maybe that's just me). Anyway, a classmate of mine and I are working on an assignment together, and we have been given great liberties to choose any topic as it pertains to teaching and learning. She is also Hapa, however, she never heard this term until I mentioned it casually. She grew up in the Midwest, and needless to say, Hapa is a very Hawaiian and West Coast word. And when I say she is Hapa, she too is half-Japanese. Our conversations together have been eye-opening. For the first time in my life I have talked at length about what it's like to be half-Japanese, and talk at length with someone else who is. This has never happened before. I have only had glancing conversations about this. Finding someone familiar was usually by way of stories, or in movies. I had a couple of friends growing up who were Hapa and that helped. But I also remember seeing a familiar experience in Spock.

Kevin reminded me that Spock was Hapa (and here I use the term loosely, for "half"). I was surprised to hear this, but then I thought to myself, "Of course, remember all those embedded stories he had about being half-human, half-Vulcan?" And I was reminded of the familiarity I had with Spock, and the challenge it was sometimes for him to balance between two identities, just like it is for me. I don't talk much about this, because it's hard to articulate. But I wanted to write to say "Thank you Spock, I am like you". And thank you Leonard Nimoy for articulating this likeness in the character of Spock so well.

Betty, When You Call Me, You Can Call Me Org

Paul Simon is contemplating writing a song about orgs

Lately I've been having a little bit of a dilemma. At the beginning of this semester, I wanted to try to write a paper on the topic of transformative learning, and how that might connect to my interest in nonprofit management education. As the weeks went by, I continued to struggle with this because the two ideas weren't gelling together, and I also started to incorporate topics of social action and civil society into this piece. You might be asking yourself, "Why is she trying to connect two things that are kind of at opposite ends of the spectrum? All of these social issues to one person's learning experience?" Well, I don't have an answer for you, except to say that maybe I hadn't thought this through well enough. Maybe on paper or in my head this sounded like it would work, but it hasn't been, and it's not going to.

I had a realization earlier this week. And that realization is, I love organizations. I love talking about them, I love thinking about how they change, I love discussing how they work and don't work, I especially love talking about the role they play in society (aka, civic action). Anyway, I realized that while there is something beautiful in learning and the transformation that takes place within an individual, what I am most interested in is how this happens on a much larger scale. I'm talking collectives of people and organizations and how they move, even learn. So, I'm abandoning my initial research topic and going back to my orgs. I was even reassured by this just today because while talking with my supervisor, Jim, about the project we are working on, we both got super giddy about organizational change. I felt my head get tingly, and that's a good sign.

Welcome! Please Come! The Cookies Are Delicious!

It's been (close to) exactly one year since I first set foot in Lansing. February 13, 2014 I flew in to attend the Graduate Research Colloquium, GRC for short. It is connected to the entire HALE department and is a weekend to learn more about the program as an admitted student and also learn about the kinds of research that current students are doing. I don't remember much about the GRC from last year - it was kind of a whirlwind of activity. However, the little that I do remember consists of three things: 1) I always seemed to find admitted master's students during mingling time, and wondered where all the admitted PhD folks were 2) One young woman from Kentucky who was really intense and focused. And I mean REALLY intense. She did not join our cohort, but I'm sure she found a PhD program that was just right for her 3) The Spartan Cookie. This is the kind of cookie that I LOVE. Lots of rich fake frosting, sugar cookie base, and a weird logo that kind of looks like paper, but alas! You can eat it. It's one of the reasons I attend events now, because there is always a good chance Spartan Cookies will be there.

Aside from these things, though, the GRC is what helped me make my decision to come here. I never thought I would move to Lansing. Yet something about the program, the faculty, the "feel" of it all seemed to gel with me. And during this time of year, during only my second semester, when the winter blues start to set-in and the big questions about why am I here, and the weight of school and transition are sometimes unbearable, it would seem the worst time to meet possible incoming students. The funny thing is though, is that while having conversations with these prospective students, I was reminded of why I am here. I came because I wanted time to ask questions. I wanted time to dive deep into a subject or two. I wanted time to see where this leap would take me. And I wanted to do this all within the space that permitted it and encouraged it. And that's here. Of all places, Michigan.

It's Also Cold in Sudbury

When Kevin is out of town, we Facetime in the evening and catch up on our days. We talk about what we did, I usually gab about school, meetings, being overwhelmed. He talks about mechanical dinosaurs. (Oh how our working lives are so different and so wonderfully complementary!) Yesterday, he texted me in the morning and let me know it was 20 below in Sudbury and would be 30 below on Friday. I looked at the Lansing forecast and it was just a cool 10 below here, so I did feel a little sorry for him. Last night, we couldn't help but talk about the weather and how FRICKIN' FREEZING it is. Actually, it's far below freezing. So Kevin walked me through how insane 30 below is. It doesn't make any logical sense. Then we backed out what a livable temperature would be, and found that there is quite some distance between when it's okay to walk outside and where we are now. Needless to say, the agony of the chill here was no match for how much I laughed last night at the absurdity of extreme cold.

An email from MSU warning students about extreme cold, Kevin walking us through how cold minus 30 is,
and where Sudbury is because I didn't know where it was until last Monday.

SIL

I'm thinking birthday gifts for my SILs this year

I need to give a shout-out to my sisters-in-law. Although we all live in different areas of the U.S., it has been invaluable to me to know they are supporting me and cheering me on. And in addition, we often have joyous texts and emails back and forth, which I find I am laughing so hard I have to keep from peeing my pants. I never had a sister growing up, and so I obviously never knew what it was like. When I was a kid, two of my closest friends had older sisters. I remember seeing their bond, and also seeing them fight like crazy. Admittedly, I was envious.

Today, though, what can I say? I lucked out. I married a great guy who happened to have the most amazing sister, and his brother was married to another fabulous lady. This means I got TWO sisters at once when I was married. It was kind of awesome. The three of us are not often in the same place at the same time, because we are scattered between Boston, Lansing, and Seattle. But when we do know in advance that we will be together, we always plan a SILO (Sister-In-Law Only) time. It is one of my most favorite things.

Lapsed Episcopalian

On Wednesday mornings my routine is to look at all of my readings for the week and put them onto a post-it note, then stick it to my calendar. I carry this with me wherever I go, and use it to plan out my week; what readings to do on what days, when to write, etc. It is especially helpful when I have an assignment due. This morning, however, as I was writing-in what I wanted to do I noticed that printed on my calendar was "Ash Wednesday." I am somewhat embarrassed not to have known this earlier. There was a time in my life that I was more in sync with the liturgical seasons. I liked having different times throughout the year to contemplate and celebrate for long periods of time. Now, here in the doctoral program in Lansing, it's mostly just one week at a time. (And for the past few weeks, it's been one day at a time).

For now, I can hold a moment of observance as I write this post. Not to make light of either, but the PhD program is like my own kind of Lent wilderness. I am at times very hungry, tired, disoriented, and grief-stricken for the community and landscape of my home. However, I am also deeply contemplative, provoked, and hopeful - all of which I think do occur during the Lent season. I find great beauty in intentional practice, and this year my practice seems to be simply observing where I am, how I see, and what I feel.

You Must Learn

KRS One, the teacha

I had another out of body moment tonight in one of my classes. We were talking about forces that influence curriculum and we started to move the conversation up into the 30,000 foot level (which I will add is where I am quite comfortable) and then I started to talk. I was trying to pivot off of two of my classmates, and then I realized I kind of had lost my train of thought. And then you know what popped into my head? KRS One. I don't know, it just happened. Fortunately a couple of my classmates got the reference, but it was mostly just me murmuring to myself after that. *Sigh. Late evening classes when I have too many other things on my mind will do that to me.