End of the Semester - Say Hello to a Third Year

And now... the returning of the books
end of year 2.

It's official, I can call myself a third year PhD student (I think..., or do I need to wait until the fall? Heck, I'll just do it now, I'm a third year!!) I had my last class of the semester on Thursday evening. We had a potluck and gave presentations. It was a nice ending to a very difficult semester. I remember this time last year I said to myself, "All I need to do is make it until the end of February in 2016 and I'll be feeling so much better." This statement was coming from knowing that I would have completed my comps and also gotten the results and probably feeling good about my PhD life in general. Oh how wrong I was. So completely wrong.

Yes, it was a difficult semester. Most of why it was so challenging was because the reality of what I am doing finally set in. After finishing my core required courses, and saying goodbye to my frequent classes with my cohort, I was left to make my own class choices, completely. Of course, I was thankful to have all that freedom and not have to work around a required course. But it was also daunting. And I had to begin prioritizing. And then I had to have a committee meeting where I figured out what I really want to do and learn how to talk about what I want to do. And then I second guessed myself and had severe imposter syndrome. And THEN I took way too seriously everything. I over-stressed out about one paper. I know why I do this; because I really care about what I'm doing. I also have a habit of trying something new every semester and I don't usually dial things in. What can I say? I enjoy learning. This means I'm learning a new subject area each semester and trying to build up a base of knowledge while balancing feelings of both "I know so much, wow!" and "I know NOTHING." At least now it's over. I have one more edit to do on a group paper, which I'm totally not stressed out about at all. (really). And then I can watch all the Law & Order and reality cooking shows I want. Without guilt. And then make a to-do reading list for the summer. Because it never ends as a PhD student.