Ready to Read Instructions

If only qualitative research were
as simple as calling Ikea.

Several years ago I bought a new sewing machine. For years I thought that I hated sewing. It turned out that actually, I had a crappy sewing machine. Who wouldn't hate sewing if the machine jammed all the time? I thought that it was because I didn't know how to sew. Truth was (according to the saleswoman at the Sew and Vac) "You don't want that machine. It's crap." So I bought myself a new sewing machine. The first thing I did when I brought it home was take it out of the box, throw some thread in, and grab some fabric. I glanced at the instruction manual, but was too anxious to get started. For the most part, not reading the manual cover to cover has been okay. I glance at it when I need to, but don't usually use it. This is typically the way I operate in most things. Ikea furniture, for example. I pop it out of the box and get to work assembling. Who needs the instruction manual?!?

Recently, however, my distaste for reading instructions has begun to change. I am taking a qualitative methods course, and much of what I am reading feels so much like an instruction manual. Although the readings technically are not instructions, they do provide protocols and examples, and that's about when my eyes start to glaze over. Yet I am in the process of trying to figure out how to interview people, and I am still tweaking my interview questions because 1) I'm afraid to do this and 2) I really need to read the instruction manual. This is not to say that there is an actual instruction manual for qualitative research. But I've been dissecting much more intentionally the readings I am assigned now, and also going back and re-reading a textbook I have that I used last summer. Who knew, but it's full of useful information! I am still learning by doing most of the time, however for right now, my doing is complemented by reading the instructions.

An Attempt at Describing My Interests - Part 1

My notebook where I keep my notes about
how to really talk about what I'm
interested in.

I had a meeting last week with my advisor to discuss what I could do with my funding, and steps I need to take (turns out, there aren't really any formalities, I think at least). One thing we discussed in particular was that I might benefit from writing down or really describing what I am interested in. He suggested this because I tend to ping around with my ideas and although they are all related, I haven't really articulated what I am "interested in" because well, I'm interested in everything. My advisor is, well, a frank man, a reason I really like him. He doesn't usually pull any punches. So he asks me, as I'm flying high with my vast display of interests and ideas, "Are you planning on dying any time soon?" And I look at him with some peculiarity, and respond, "Well, I'M NOT planning on it, but someone or something else might be." This was actually his way of asking, "Why are you trying to do everything now?" Fortunately, I did understand this once we quickly untangled the translation between dying and doing everything. Basically, my research interests don't have to be my bucket list completed all before June.

Indeed, I would probably benefit from writing down really what I am interested in, and not continue to rely on the garble-gook of "faculty organizational change non-tenure socialization agency stratification." But first, I must think about this and make little notes in my notebook. And once I do that, I will begin to write and blog about my research interests for REALS so that I can find the papers that come out of that. When I left my advisor's office he said three things to me. Read, Relax, and Do Work. I'm in the reading stage right now. Then I'll relax for a moment or two, and then I'll do work on writing things down. Stay tuned.

Full Brain of a lot of Nothing

I've had a lot on my mind. Exactly what "a lot" is, I'm not certain, but I know that I wake up a lot during the night, that I am constantly opening up my calendar a lot to look at what I have to do during the day and for each day for the next month, that I stare off into space a lot when I sit down to read books, and that I have a lot of way too big ideas that I can't organize. Maybe it boils down to being a PhD student. Or maybe it's that I have come to the next phase in my program. Here is a story to illustrate that next phase:

The main building for the College of Education at Michigan State is called Erickson Hall. This is where almost all of my classes are, and when I have meetings with other students we usually suggest, "Sparty's in Erickson Hall" for a meeting space. (Sparty's is the snack bar with seating so that way we can all get a coffee and Cliff Bar then talk about school). Last Thursday I was walking through the building, and something started to feel different. I have walked through this building many times, yet something was different when I walked through last week. The different feeling was one of "I am here" and "this is my place." Another way of putting this feeling is the same way many of us felt when we were finally juniors and we crossed the threshold of being freshmen and sophomores. And then we were juniors. Because it's not enough to just be a sophomore - being a junior is way more meaningful. It's upperclassmen.

Two big steps were taken in a matter of weeks: I completed all of my core coursework and I finished my comprehensive exams. This mainly means that I am the master of my schedule, and it's extremely liberating, and well, I feel like a bonafide PhD student now. And with that bonafide status also comes a lot of things on my mind, like getting closer to having to know what I'll be when I grow up, and doing real, like REAL research not just pretending to (not that that makes any sense because I'm sure there is not a hierarchy of real when it comes to research, or maybe there is... nevermind). Obviously, I've got a lot of nothing on my mind. What this will lead to? Maybe a lot of TV. A lot of reading for reading because I have more time to seek out what I want. Maybe a lot more of mind-emptying when I run on the treadmill. Or, maybe a lot of quiet contemplation to let this "a lot" sink into my cells where it can move into my brain and fingers, turning into a lot writing. Let's hope for that.

My Name is Emiko and I Hate the Snow

Most classes when we have to briefly introduce ourselves, we state our names, the year and which program we are in, and where we come from. I definitely know the answer to the first two questions, and depending on my mood I say I am from Oregon or Seattle. Yesterday, as I introduced myself, instead of saying that I was from Oregon or Seattle, I decided to say "My name is Emiko, I am a second year HALE doc student, and I hate the snow." Okay, it's not that I hate the snow, I just would prefer to go to  the snow rather than have it come to me. I mean, I grew up skiing. I really like to snow shoe, I like to eat snow cones, and make snow angels, and I really like snow flakes. I also prefer the Winter Olympics over the Summer Olympics. Yet here I am in Michigan, where the snow comes to me every day from January to mid-March.

Interestingly enough, one way I cope with it is to shovel it early in the morning, which I did Monday and Tuesday morning. It's kind of my way of saying "take that!" I also decided to make a little path from the sidewalk to the curb so that when we put the garbage out, it has a little cubby. Last year we had to put the garbage out in our driveway because the snow berms were too high. But, like I learned to get ready for the spring semester by clearing my desk before classes begin, I also learned to shovel snow to accommodate garbage cans and recycle bins.

Aftermath Prep

The agenda book fills up with my
semester outline. Yes, that is a fist bump
sticker for my last weekend  of comps.

It was a year ago that I learned a valuable lesson: take a little time to clean my desk off and prepare for the new spring semester. I remember last year I did not do this, and assignments and readings started to pile on and I was left with a dining room table desk that was in shambles. This time, however I remembered that awful experience and despite spending almost the entire weekend working on my comprehensive exams (first portion done!) I did make time Sunday evening to get ready for this new semester, which starts today officially at 4:10pm because that is when I have my first class.

How do I get ready? I write down every assignment that is due in my agenda book. And I read over my syllabi for each class. Then I ponder what this semester might look like for me. As I may have mentioned previously, I am dropping my course load down to two classes this semester. One reason for this is the simple issue of timing; I don't want to get too far ahead in my credits then start "running out" and my worst nightmare, I'm not ready to take the leap of preparing my dissertation proposal. So, yes, timing. The other reason I am hitting the breaks in my coursework is because I have two research projects I am going to be diving into. The first is left over from my independent study with Roger, and I plan to pick that back up in the coming weeks. I have all of the permissions I need from what is called the internal review board (who say that "yes, your research won't hurt anybody so go ahead and ask your questions") and most everything else, so now I just need to do some data collection. Easier said than done. The second project is from a proposal I wrote late last year for some individual funding. I kind of threw the proposal together in part just for practice - then I got word that I got some funding for it, and voila! Super excited! But voila! Now I'm freaked out that I don't know what I'm doing. A familiar feeling that will find some friends this semester when I take two classes I am completely stoked about: a qualitative methods class, and an organizational change and social stratification class.

Not Ready

And so it goes, a new semester is upon me and I have that sinking feeling that I am not ready yet. After a semester ends, I have to spend a few days trying to figure out what to do with myself. This last time it ended with painting a wall and making coasters. However what I did not provide enough time for was the great unactivity of zoning out. Before each semester begins, I have that sinking feeling that I didn't spend enough time zoning out, you know, vegging out in front of the TV or staring at a wall, or taking three naps a day. I guess I could say I did watch paint dry. And now I have this desire to lay on the couch and watch every new Netflix series available, then find that one TV channel that will always offer me a crime drama with back to back episodes. As an aside, if anyone can tell me where to find Monk, I would greatly appreciate it.

In truth, I probably did provide enough time for zoning out. However I still feel that I am not ready for the new semester to begin. For sure, there are a lot of reasons why I don't feel ready, or actually don't want the semester to begin, apart from not having zone-out time: I'd rather be back on Maui, I'd rather be sitting at my sewing machine, I'd rather be re-organizing my poetry books, and seriously, I'd rather be tiling my bathroom. Yet here I am, the semester starts next week and I have a Monday afternoon class. Here's to binge-watching turning into binge-reading.

2015: Year in Review

I don't usually write a year end letter over the holidays, nor do I make resolutions for the New Year. This year, however, feels a little different because I have lived in Michigan now for over a year, and a lot of changes, growth, and introspection has taken place. So, for better or worse (is that the way all postings about the year in review begin?) here are my thoughts about my year in Lansing. The 2015 Edition.

Academic Life, #phdlife
I completed all of my core coursework for my HALE program. This is significant because it means that I get to take only the classes I want! Yippee! And it also means that I get to take my comprehensive exams! Yip.... (I'll write more about that in about two months. Seriously, it's gonna be a while). Since I began this program I have been asked a lot about what I am studying. I also still have acquaintances in Washington state who are confused about what I am doing here, and think that I'm just getting a master's degree. Then I have to break the news that I'm gonna be here a while. "Sorry, not one more year, three." Now, having completed a lot of coursework, I know what I am focusing on and I can talk about it mostly intelligently. For now, I'll say Faculty and Organizational Change. I do, ever so often, have a deep and uncomfortable feeling of doubt, however. I think this will probably linger for a while but I have learned to live with it and joke that if the PhD doesn't pan out I'll become a craft blogger. Or house remodeler.

Home Is Where the Bathroom Remodel Is
We bought a house! I never thought this would ever happen in my life, considering I lived in a city where the median home price was 1/2 a million dollars. But let's hear it for Lansing! We bought a house and now I get to write blog posts about the bathroom remodel. Maybe this summer we'll tackle the kitchen.

Home Is Where Lansing Is
Last Spring I made a quick trip to Seattle to visit my girlfriends. I needed to just be with my people. But a funny thing happened on the way home. The plane was landing, and I felt a warm fuzzy feeling in my ears (not because of the air pressure) because I was really excited to get home. After a long winter and 6 months of living in Lansing, I went to Seattle for a short visit and I couldn't wait to get back home to Lansing. I felt for the first time that Lansing was home. It was weird and, yes, sometimes I still get confused about Lansing being my home. But I know I had that moment of knowing Lansing is home so I hold on to that.

The Half
Indeed, I ran a half marathon. My first, and I can almost promise it will be my last. I have never made such a huge goal, especially for running, and achieved it. The good news is I am still running. And I think my running routine is gonna stick around a while, especially if I can make it through the winter on a treadmill.

So with that, bring on 2016.