A Depressing Dissertation

Image from https://www.agb.org/trusteeship/2013/5/changing-academic-workforce

Given the political climate these days, being able to throw myself at something can provide a respite from hours of reading the Washington Post. I wish that "thing" that I threw myself at was running, but I can't do that now because I'm 6 months pregnant. I would do more on our kitchen remodel, but I'm really not that handy, as becomes more evident to me every time I try to help out (seriously, I have a hard time using a screw driver). I would even welcome gardening or lawn work, but the weather isn't quite ready. So what I throw myself at is my dissertation proposal. And unfortunately, it is not the most positive project I can work on, nor does it completely take my mind off of what is going on in the world. And perhaps this is the point of a dissertation, or any academic scholarship. Actually, I believe it MUST be the point of scholarship, to engage in what is happening today, to ask questions about why things are happening the way they are, and to potentially try to impact those things through research. And so began my dissertation proposal.

Initially, I had a very different approach to my topic. Last summer I chatted with my advisor and we both were excited about the direction I was heading in. I was going to examine teaching practices and ask questions about how colleges and universities support faculty who are not on the tenure track. However this topic always kind of bothered me, because although it was interesting, it wasn't quite "me." Then the election came, and I had to accept that the work that I do needs to be asking larger questions of society. So I went back somewhat to the drawing table and had real talk with my advisor. Real talk with him is sometimes awkward, but it is getting easier. Now I have a topic I am keenly interested in. Although I am still working out some of the kinks.

This is what my dissertation is about: I am going to examine how the work of non-tenure track faculty looks like women's work. The faculty system in higher education has become bifurcated, one for faculty who are "tenure-track" (think traditional faculty who go through the process of getting tenure, publishing, researching, and move through the ranks of assistant, associate, and finally full professor) and the other area of faculty, "non-tenure track" (think those faculty who typically have one- to three-year contracts, teach most of the time, and can be part-time). Over the last 30 years, this non-tenure track career has become the majority of faculty work, which means most of the faculty, or "professors" that we see in colleges and universities are working under time-limited contracts. They also don't do a lot of research, and they also likely will never go through the tenure process, because they're not in the tenure system. Additionally, in the last 15 years or so, the majority of those who are non-tenure track are now women. I'm not going to make any correlations here, but I'll say that there are issues wrapped up in this. Examples of these issues include the fact that non-tenure track faculty spend the majority of their time teaching, an occupation often viewed as women's work; non-tenure track faculty rarely bring prestige to a university, an expectation the university puts on faculty; and non-tenure track faculty are basically viewed as somewhat second tier (depending on what study I've just read).

I won't get into the details of my dissertation but I'll say that I am extremely excited about this topic. It reflects who I am and what I'm interested in. I'll also say I'm learning a lot about how to talk about issues of gender stratification, wage-gap problems, and overall inequity in higher education. But it can be a very glum subject matter. Yet a glum subject that needs to have some light shed on it.

Kitchen Friends

Sunday we had some friends come over to our house to help out with the kitchen project. It was such a huge help, especially since every day I get bigger and move slower and have a harder time picking things up, thus, helping with kitchen projects. We got a lot done, more than I had expected which was a nice surprise. First, a couple of cabinets were finally put together, and they are now staged in the place where they will live. We still have to build out the bottoms of these because they are free-standing and thus, need a little bit of a hack to get them how we want them. The IKEA cabinets we bought have a handy system that places them along a track on the wall, but since theses cabinets form the peninsula between our front door and the kitchen, we have to make them sturdy from the floor. The best part about these new cabinets I have to say, is the slow close. For too long I've lived in places with old drawers that skid along the cabinet frame and leave saw-dust inside the cabinets. These ones glide along tracks, and when you push them in, before they close, they slow down and gently close. I LOVE these! I feel so grown up.

The second big thing that happened was we got our new kitchen sink put in. It's also pretty awesome. The new faucet is nice and big, and we can maneuver pots and pans around it without hitting the faucet or the sides of the sink. Soon, the dishwasher will go in and then we'll really be living large. And the last big thing that happened was a bunch of drywall went up in the kitchen which means no more studs. This also means we can start putting in cabinets on that side soon too, next to the fridge and stove. As always, little by little our kitchen is coming together.

Look at those cabinets! Look at that drywall!

Me Too Iguana

Yesterday was the annual GRC, or the Graduate Research Colloquium. This is the visiting days for admitted master's and PhD students to the HALE and Student Affairs programs, and it is also a kind of annual marker for me because the first time I visited Lansing was during the GRC. I will never forget arriving at the teeny-tiny Lansing airport and driving through snow covered streets to get to campus. And thinking, "Where on Earth have I landed and why am I even considering moving here." Three years have passed since I first visited, sometimes that is unbelievable to me!

The GRC is also a time for current students to present research they are working on so prospective students can kind of see what is going on and what current students do. I presented in the morning on some data I collected last summer, and as I was putting my presentation together I was reminded of a children's book I used to have called Me Too Iguana. I've only ever met one other person who knew about this book, she was a friend I met in college and was very familiar with Sweet Pickle Books (the series this book comes from). So now when I think about these books I also think of my old college friend. One primary reason my presentation reminded me of this book is because I was discussing ways that colleges and universities tend to mimic one another in order to gain legitimacy. And Me Too Iguana is the story of an iguana who walks around town and thinks she needs to be like everyone else. Obviously this is a story about being yourself, but it was such a wonderful vivid memory I had of reading these books as a kid. I didn't work iguana into my presentation, but I did throw out my boring power point and only use the chalk board to give my talk. The feedback I got let me know it went over pretty well.

Positionality

One of the things that I have been taught while in grad school is to be transparent about my positionality, or the reflection of who I am in relation to my research. This is particularly important for the type of qualitative research that I do, and so when I write, I typically write about either my position as a critical researcher, or how I am connected to the research and any bias I might have. In some instances, I am explicit about my race and gender. For instance, I have written about women in academia, thus, I write about who I am, and how I experience the world as a woman in academia. I can't block my experiences, that's not how I do research. Even more so, this is not what the type of research I do calls for.

Where I am positioned in the world is also a reminder of why I am where I am. My economic class, gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, privilege, etc contribute to my being here at MSU, getting a PhD. And one of the reasons I am here, pursuing a faculty position, is because there are too few women and too few people of color in faculty positions. For this reason, coupled with my passion to be in the classroom and performing research, I feel compelled, maybe called to be in academe, because there might be someone who, like me, yearns to see a professor who looks like her. I have had this experience, and know the overjoyed feeling of having a faculty member who looks like me mentor me and teach me.

Over the summer, I wrote an epistemology statement for one of my professors, which is below. It's a little wonky, I know, but I think the gist is there. A version of this will go into my dissertation, because it is a necessary component of both my dissertation and the type of research I perform. It is also a reminder for me to stay where I am, despite the discouraging political climate, and also closer to home, the discouraging academic climate of today and some of the discrimination I have already encountered.

Researcher Epistemological Orientation
Lather (2006) suggests an appealing strategy for teaching research paradigms. In her view, it is essential doctoral students not only gain grounding in the elements of research paradigms but situate their learning within the irresolvable contradictions of such paradigms. One such contradiction is present in the ontological and epistemological congruence of a critical theory paradigm. As Guba and Lincoln (1994) note “the posture of [critical theory/critical ideology] effectively challenges the traditional distinction between ontology and epistemology” (p. 110). Sipe and Constable (1996) explain the ontological perspective of critical theorists is a reality “out there” and “found” (p. 158). 

Assuming reality is “out there” and “found” positions critical theorists in an objective post-positivist ontology. What complicates this position, however, is a reality constructed on the basis of power, thus a  “false consciousness.” Therefore, a true consciousness can be attained (Guba, 1990; Sipe & Constable, 1996). Guba and Lincoln (1994) describe this reality best by stating critical theorists claim reality has been “shaped by a congeries of social, political, cultural, economic, ethnic, and gender factors and then crystallized into a series of structures that are now (inappropriately) taken as ‘real,’…for all practical purposes the[se] structures are ‘real’” (p. 110). It is in part due to the internal contradiction between the ontology of critical theorists (as Guba and Lincoln describe) and the epistemology of critical theorists, that I subscribe to a critical theory/critical ideology perspective. It is also due to my own identity as a biracial woman that I find a natural “fit” with a critical perspective. 

I was raised Hapa, a word used by those like me who are "part" or "half". More literally, Hapa means “part Hawaiian.” (Although I am not Hawaiian). The word Hapa, its Hawaiian origin, Asian appropriation, meaning, and context today are embedded in how I understand the nature of reality and my relationship to what is known. As a biracial Asian-Caucasian person I understand the feeling of incongruence, of being of two distinct races. As a biracial woman, I have learned the world is constructed on social hierarchies. However, my Hapa or dual identity defines my biracial-ness as distinctly singular, and enables me as a researcher to move beyond, to “liv[e] in a hybrid space” (Lather, 2006, p. 41). Lather’s (2006) argument that research paradigms exist out beyond intelligibility despite our need for ordered epistemologies leads her to pontificate “what academic work will look like as it begins to juxtapose the discursive resources of different social formations…” (p. 42). This is where Hapa resides for me: first as an identity that is racially marked, making my relationship to what is known subjective; second as an identity beyond the “tired binaries of the monolithic West” (Lather, 2006, p. 42), giving me the privilege to objectively assume a true reality out beyond this constructed reality shaped by power, politics, and social hierarchies. Put plainly, my relationship with the world is one that is critical, that seeks to not just understand it, nor to only complicate it, but to change it. 

References
Guba, E. G., & Lincoln, Y. S. (1994). Competing paradigms in qualitative research. In N. K. Denzin & Y. S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE.

Guba, E. G. (Ed.). (1990). The Paradigm dialog. Newbury Park, Calif: Sage Publications.

Lather, P. (2006). Paradigm proliferation as a good thing to think with: teaching research in education as a wild profusion. International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, 19(1), 35–57. https://doi.org/10.1080/09518390500450144

Sipe, L., & Constable, S. (1996). A chart of four contemporary research paradigms: metaphors for the modes of inquiry. Taboo: The Journal of Culture and Education, 1(Spring), 153–163.